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I need to learn how to give my problems over to God and have him help me along. I don't know how to listen for the answers from him. I am struggling with a horrible addiction to pain killers. Before my dr refilled my meds today, I was going through really bad  withdrawl symptoms. I was yelling at everyone, I felt horrible. I haven't slept in 2 days. I have tried to justify getting more of them for the last time. My husband tells me that I am stronger than the medicine, but I don't feel like I am on days like this. He tells me to pray when the symptoms get bad, but so far, I haven't . i don't know how to handle this on my own, but I know I want to stop. God  has done so many good things for me, why can't I give this one to him as well?

Tuesday, 08 December 2009

Wish I could forget about things that I cannot change...and look to the positive things that I can be apart of...why is it in our nature to want "acceptance" from everyone!! Sometimes human nature stinks, ya know!!!

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

I've ran from God for way too long because of the shame I felt from my struggle with sexual addiction.  As a Christian, I felt it was too shameful to admit my struggle to anyone and I was better off keeping it to myself.  I struggled with looking at pornography a couple of times a week and hated the guilt I felt from doing so.  The fantasy of it all led me to having an affair on my wife, which was something I never thought I would do.

My addiction hindered me from serving God, because the closer I got to Him, the more conviction and shame I felt, so I just turned and ran because I was too afraid to ask for help.

The good news is, now I have found help.  You don't have to be alone or ashamed of it.  I've saved my marriage by finally telling the truth and reaching out to others for help.

You're not alone.  They won't judge you.  There are others who share in your pain and struggles and the freedom that comes by getting help is amazing and worth every bit of it.

I am one.  You're not alone.

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to recieve salvation through our Lord~  Innocent I love this, it is my affirmation when I have issues...!

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

i need to quit living for me and start living for God!

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

doing something about watching porn today i finally reached out thank u JESUS for caring

Monday, 08 June 2009

everything needs to change. im working on it in a slow but forward process. 1. i am 24, i have dealt with severe anorexia and bulimia since childhood..in and out of hospitals and therapist & dr. offices and i am still struggling 12+ yrs later. Im so tired of it and i feel so powerless and hopeless. Its actually quite terrible right now. Depression, anxiety, isolating myself from reality, self harm, past sexual assault...my insides hurt physically and emotionally and i feel like they will never ever stop SCREAMING.

Monday, 04 May 2009

For nearly the past two years I have been going through a lot and now I know I need to make changes in my life. I quit my job due to I couldn't bear the pain in my feet after just standing on them for a few hours. I separated from my husband in June and am not sure how the divorce will be when that time comes.

I have accepted Jesus into my heart but I don't know how to pray and ask God to take all my problems and worries. I know he will bless me with a job and everything I need in my life in time. I am around people who I feel don't support me. I need to be around those who will not judge me because of my past.

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

I need to learn how to pray better.  I also have a meeting in Dallas tomorrow to see if I get my job back.  Please pray for me that they give it back to me

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

I need to change careers.  I am finding myself really not enjoying going to work.  This is first time I have really ever felt this way.

Monday, 23 March 2009

I need to stop fighting God. I feel I have been called into missions, and have been running from this for years. I have tried to run my life my way and now I am alone. My husband left me a couple of months ago and i am left to raise two small children alone. I desperately want companionship, but am afraid that it will end the same. I am afraid to trust God, because I feel like He didn't protect me in the past from my abusive mother. Why do I search for something better and fight God with everything good He wants for my life?

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

I need to seek God more.  My life has really been a roller coaster for about 15 years.  I'm on my third marriage, I'm 33 years old with no children, can't have children. I was molested as a young girl, and I cannot get it out of my mind.  i believe that the abuse i suffered has taken over my life. I only trust my father not my husband, why? I should trust my husband, but something scares me, and i can't make myself.  God is bigger than anything and I have faith to give him my problems, but I really need my husband.  He is all I have. I have faith that God will help me and show me how to make my marriage work.

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

My life IS changing.  Now, I have to learn not to fight the changes; how to be excited with my new endeavors, and, how not to be afraid of what the future may hold for me.  I don't want to be consumed with thoughts of what might happen. Only God knows what lies ahead.  I am not in control of the situation.  He is.  I need to let go, in faith. I need to relax, and allow his plan for me, and my family, to unfold.

Thursday, 05 March 2009

I would love to be in a Godly relationship with a woman with whom I share Jesus with and have things in common with..ie..lifestyle, leisure etc.  Most of my friends are either married or in relationships that are going somewhere.  I would love to have a family of my own. 

I feel so lonely for companionship that I cry alot of nights when I get still and quiet and pray to God for Him to send someone my way.  I am divorced and have been waiting many years.  I have made some bad mistakes in the past and have learned from those.  I want to do things Gods way instead of the loosers way.  I pray for peace. 

I wish that God would tell me to continue to wait and that the right person is on the way or that I should just accept that fact that single life is my continuing destiny.  I am really struggling with issue because I know I could take the easy way out and settle for someone who is NOT Godly and doesn't love the Lord.  Help me!!!

Tuesday, 03 March 2009

I need to stop coveting other women's husbands and let go of the envy that they have a companion and I am forced to live my life alone. I have to remember that I am not alone and that God needs me to be single right now for a reason. I need to stop believing the lie that a man's love is better or more valuable than God's love. I accept that I am not ready for a relationship, spiritually, but I need my relationship with God to overwhelm my life so that my loneliness is not a gaping wound in my life.

Friday, 27 February 2009

I am still in love with my old high school flame. After 5 years of marriage (to a different man) and 2 children, I can't help but to think that I did not marry my heart longs for.

Thursday, 26 February 2009

I need to remember that I am worthy of respect and honor simply because I am a child of God.  I do not have to be supermodel gorgeous to deserve to be treated well.  I do not have to tolerate being disrespected as a woman.  My tolerance of being treated poorly lead me into a pattern of many self-destructive relationships. 

I have prayed many times for self-confidence and strength.  A couple of months ago during prayer at the alter, God spoke to me.  It's almost as if I could hear him say, "My child, I love you and you are worthy.  Be strong." I was wrapped in so much of Jesus's warmth.  I truly felt his loving touch. Three months of therapy could not get me to the point that one moment with Jesus did.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

I need to learn that the world will not fall apart if I fail to be perfect.  My life revolves around keeping up appearances.  My hair has to be perfect.  My makeup has to be perfect.  My outfit has to be cute. 

I have to be just the right amount of intelligent (not so much to be annoying but just enough to be special).  I have to have some semblance of talent.  I have to be friendly and engaging.  All this just to be acceptable in my own eyes.  I think it would be better to say that I need to learn that MY world will not fall apart if I fail to be perfect.

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

I feel like I am just about to him bottom, I have lost my job and trying to get it back.  I am about to lose my house.  My family is trying to help as much as possible and I thank them for it every day.  I have done a lot of bad things throughout my life and I have praying to get past all of this.  Please pray for me.

Tuesday, 03 February 2009

I feel absolutely dead inside.  I need to get past some horrible mistakes I have made in the past-but I can't seem to let go.  I just want to feel alive again.  I despise the person looking back at me in the mirror.

Sunday, 01 February 2009

 

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